hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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