the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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