Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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