I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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