Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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