He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
