NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
