you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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