He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
