Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
