maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
