ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
