Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
