Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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