Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
