I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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