i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
