I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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