yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
