HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was like giving head to a cactus.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
