OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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