i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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