there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
