please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we're making bets on your personal life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
