Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
