wanna go halves on a baby?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
