It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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