Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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