Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
