she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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