I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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