i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
