just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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