The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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