I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
