If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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