just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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