wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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