i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
