her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
