I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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