i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
