I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
