My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
