We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
