forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
