Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
