I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
