Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
