don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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