apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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