somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
