Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
