"it" just moved
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
