he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
