Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
