I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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