Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
