Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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