he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
