Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
