are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
