The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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